ATC No. 705 Flower Large Color

Hello,

I had a busy December and was out of town for awhile, so I mostly drew stills and did not film... This ATC I started at the beginning of December and finished in January. I only filmed the addition of water, not the actual drawing of the design as you'll see or have seen.

After going to Hawaii for a meeting, I hit the depression part of the cycle of what I'm going through in life making everything difficult to do...

Sometimes dealing with my mind is like trying to trick Satan.

And it's no joke...

Thank God I have people who support me, check on me, and help me get out of the house. I am loved, so all's good :)

    It also helps to have a good sense of self preservation. As an empath, this is definitely a necessity. Guilt is one of the main obstacles to my self preservation and self care. It's so much easier for me to help other people, then to help myself. Being told by society that only children are selfish doesn't help any with the guilt. Self care and my needs have been systematically undermined by being told I'm being selfish. In the past I have given until I'm a shell. The problem with being empty, is how and what to fill the emptiness. 

    Setting boundaries seems to be the first step in filling back up. Boundaries should prevent me from becoming completely empty and help me to fill with positive energy and thoughts. I find boundaries very difficult to set and enforce. Many people I have known have run roughshod over my boundaries and I learned to pick my battles. I have found that many things in the long run really don't matter and patience wins out. So it's time for me to regroup, set boundaries, and learn to be me. What other people think is their problem, not mine, as long as I stick to my principles and stay respectful. This is definitely a work in progress, no kowtowing.

    For me, recognizing I'm depressed is the first step to healing. The next step is where I have to start dealing with my mind and start controlling my thoughts. Stop the autopilot and start driving myself. It takes a lot of effort, time and forgiveness, but is worth it in the end. After wallowing for some time, I am now willing to take control again, but it is like exercising a muscle that has atrophied and it is hard to keep up the effort. Sometimes mental wellness is not enough of a goal, even though I know how much better I will feel. I also know I'll feel better when I shuck off the feeling of non-achievement. When I'm depressed, I only achieve fraction of what I can. Getting things done is a double-edged sword as I can go into overdrive and exhaust myself... then I'm back into a depressive cycle. 

    I am learning to forgive myself; understand I'm not lazy, I'm efficient; that it's okay to rest and take care of myself, no guilt; and that making lists really does help me keep my mind clearer, see what is important, and reduces anxiety attacks.

Have a fabulous day! 

Theta

P.S. I'm doing my best have to one. Just getting this posted is a plus :)

ATC No. 705 Flower Large Color

This ATC I sketched using Asvine fountain pens with extra fine nibs - one of the greens is noodles General of the Armies, the other green and the blue are samples I received without labels, so unfortunately I don’t know who makes the ink or what the color name is. I used a Grumbacher, 178, 01 paint brush to spread the ink.

The original footage is 28 minutes reduced to 2:30 seconds on YouTube, @ArtsyTheta. 

The original footage is 28 minutes reduced to 20 seconds on Instagram, @ArtsyTheta. 

The still picture is on Instagram @ThetasPicts.

I did not sketch this ATC before beginning. My conscious usually has a plan to start with, but often my subconscious takes the mandala flower in a different direction…

Find me at:

Instagram: @ArtsyTheta and @ThetasPicts

YouTube: @ArtsyTheta

Blog: https://artsytheta.blogspot.com/

Etsy: Artsy Theta

Note: I give out my ATCs mostly to people I encounter who have been very helpful and sometimes to people who ask politely for one.

#speeddrawing #speeddraw

#penandink #penandinkart #penandinkdrawing

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#handdrawing #handdrawn

#watercolor #watercolorsketch

#doodle 

#leaves #watercolorleaves #leaf 

#mandalaart #mandaladrawing #mandala 

#flower #flowerDrawing #flowersketch #flowerart #flowerdoodle

#mindmap #mindmapping

Music: Majestic Skies, Triple Scoop Music